it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
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I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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