so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
