I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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