Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
