I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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