Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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