dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
