If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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