Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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