the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
