I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
