craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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