the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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