If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
