if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
