Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
