Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
