Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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