Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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