I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
