ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
