I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
a search helicopter?!
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
