Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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