you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
