it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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