I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
