and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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