One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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