Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
