Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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