At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Randomize
