no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
