i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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