perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize