dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
