I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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