we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
