Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
