I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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