How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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