I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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