I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
