he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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