dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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