Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
