ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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