Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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