My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
