Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
