Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
When are your genitals available?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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