Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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