elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
