my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
