i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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