Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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