You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
