Cold hands, warm shart.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
