i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
