We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
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We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
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Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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