I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
