I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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