Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
