You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I did not marry a roomba.
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