oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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