as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
