Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
