Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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