im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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