omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
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"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
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Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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