I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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