Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
