So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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