im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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