I wanna bring you to show and tell
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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